Rules of Appropriate Conduct by Kirsten Alene

ISBN: 978-1-937865-52-8
224 pages
Release Date: December 2, 2015

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At eleven years old, a child should know its way around a giraffe. That is to say, given a giraffe, a child should know which end is which, where to put the food and where it comes out. A child should have a fair grasp of giraffe handling, moderate experience riding the giraffe, should be capable of telling a giraffe the schedule for the day, and capable of sending the giraffe to work with a good hot meal in its stomach.

Without these basic skills, a child will never mature into the decent, hard-working, attractive, professional, self-motivated, buckled-down giraffe enthusiast that today’s society expects of them.

What is and is not appropriate to teach your child about the giraffe? Which giraffe positions are best suited to the child’s inevitably diminutive stature? It is difficult to say. Every situation is different and where the leaning window position may lend confidence to some children, others may prefer the backward spiraling chimney. Flexibility and adaptability are two key traits to be cultivated and developed in the young giraffe handler.

Remember! Always use protective eyewear, kneepads, elbow pads and heavy, heat-resistant gloves when instructing, feeding, riding, or cleaning your giraffe and don’t forget to have fun!

“Alene makes you feel the wistfulness, the longing, the heart-skipping magic of encountering your true love… as skillfully – more skillfully than many writers who work with strictly human characters.”
–Jeffrey Thomas, author of Punktown and Deadstock


KirstenCCMKIRSTEN ALENE is the author of 3 books with Eraserhead Press, the latest being Japan Conquers the Galaxy (2013). Her fiction and poetry has appeared in Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens, The Magazine of Bizarro Fiction, In Heaven Everything is Fine: Fiction Inspired by David Lynch, Innsmouth Magazine, New Dead Families, Small Doggies Magazine, and The Battered Suitcase. She lives in Astoria, Oregon with her husband, author Cameron Pierce.